Here is someone after my fat laden heart.
The rumors you’ve been hearing. They’re true.
Salad cancels out bacon.
Let me explain.
The Salad-Cancels-Out-Bacon Rule
This logic is derived from a spectrum of proven theories, derived as follows, in a highly scien-matical, derive-atory way:
1. First, we establish that the ratio of bacon to salad is the same, that is:
bacon:salad = true
We can now proceed in applying the laws of cross-multiplication.
2. In particular, we make use of the cross-cancellation laws, such that:
bacon/salad * salad/bacon = 1
3. Because we slash-ed-ed both the bacon andsalad factors like they’re imaginary, we’re obligated to multiply our remainder by i (the infamous “imaginary number”). Like this:
1 * i
4. And i, being imaginary and all, stands for nothing tangible, therefore:
i = 0 carried through as 1 *…
5. As everyone knows, anything multiplied by zero = 0 therefore expressed…
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